1. Denial. In a week or two I'll calmly remove everything I own from these plastic bags, no worries. How 'bout those Mets?
2. Guilt. This is the universe paying me back for never finishing cleaning out my closets. I deserve it.
3. Anger & Bargaining. Why can other people live their entire lives as disgusting hoarders, but I—owner of a completely average amount of stuff—get forced into a state of extreme Marie Kondo? I am really tired of examining every piece of lint stuck to every scarf. Hey, God, if you stop treating me like Pharaoh I swear to be good In every way, forever and ever. Really truly.
4. Depression. Maybe no one will notice if I crawl into one of these extra-large garbage bags.
5. Reconstruction. This wall looks kind of cool in bright blue.
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