(Interrupting the story yet again.)
I led services again tonight. It was the eighth time--and it did feel like the beginning of something, a new week that comes after the close of the seventh day. We were at the synagogue, a little emptier now because so many people are out of town for Passover. I was with a different rabbi this time (we have four, an embarrassment of riches). We didn't face the Ark for the second half of the service, the action that so unnerved me when I last led at the synagogue. I asked why; the rabbi said he feels cut off from the congregation when he does this, unable to make eye contact. I agree.
I got to the Secret Rabbi Room a little early this time. As usual, no one else arrived until 5:55 (through the Secret Rabbi Staircase at the far end of the room, so they don't have to walk through the congregation to get there). I sat by myself in silence and calm for ten minutes, knowing something good was about to happen. There is no better feeling.
I wasn't nervous, even though I was a little hoarse and very tired. I was secure enough about what I had to do that I could pray, and focus on the meaning of the words rather than how they were coming out of my mouth. Again, I felt everyone holding me up, making it possible for me to stand and sing.
"...felt everyone holding me up..." A perfectly rendered sentence.
May I post a link to your blog? It's just such a lovely and moving thing. But of course I'll understand if you don't wish me to, and I'll continue to read and cherish your posts.
Yes, you may, and thank you so very much.
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